[With Apologies to the Flying Circus.]
CROWD: A racist! A racist! A racist! We’ve got a racist! A racist!
VILLAGER #1: We have found a racist, might we burn him?
CROWD: Burn him! Burn!
BEDEMIR: How do you know he is a racist?
VILLAGER #2: He looks like one.
BEDEMIR: Bring him forward.
RACIST: I’m not a racist. I’m not a racist.
BEDEMIR: But you are dressed as one.
RACIST: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: No, we didn’t… no.
RACIST: And this isn’t my swastika, it’s a false one.
BEDEMIR: Well?
VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the swastika.
BEDEMIR: The swastika?
VILLAGER #1: And the hood — but he is a racist!
CROWD: Burn him! Racist! Racist! Burn him!
BEDEMIR: Did you dress him up like this?
CROWD: No, no… no … yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: He has got a copy of the constitution.
BEDEMIR: What makes you think he is a racist?
VILLAGER #3: Well, he wants to pay fewer taxes.
BEDEMIR: Fewer taxes?
VILLAGER #2: And he wants the king to stop borrowing from the Mongols to wage war on the Persians, or give to the members of the Court and the guilds!
BEDMIR: The Mongols? The guilds?
VILLAGER #3: And he wants the king to stop giving money to windmills owned by the king’s friends.
CROWD: Burn! Burn him!
BEDEMIR: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether he is a racist.
CROWD: Are there? What are they?
BEDEMIR: Tell me, what do you do with racists?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
CROWD: Burn, burn them up!
BEDEMIR: And what do you burn apart from racists?
VILLAGER #1: More racists!
VILLAGER #2: Flags! No, constitutions! No, witches!
BEDEMIR: So, why do racists burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B–… ’cause they’re evil witches filled with hate?
BEDEMIR: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah…
BEDEMIR: So, how do we tell whether he is filled with hate?
VILLAGER #1: Ask him if he opposes Arthurcare?.
BEDEMIR: Aah, but can you not also oppose Arthurcare because there is no single payer?
VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.
BEDEMIR: Do evil hate filled witches have hearts made of flesh?
VILLAGER #1: No, no.
VILLAGER #2: Their hearts are made of stone!
BEDEMIR: Right! And does stone float in water?
VILLAGER#4: No, it sinks. Throw her in the pond!
BEDEMIR: Right, what also sinks in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches — churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead — lead!
ARTHUR: A fish.
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEMIR: Exactly! So, logically…,
VILLAGER #1: If… he.. weighs the same as a fish, he has a heart made of stone.
BEDEMIR: And therefore–?
VILLAGER #1: A racist!
CROWD: A racist!
BEDEMIR: We shall use my larger scales!
[yelling]
BEDEMIR: Right, remove the supports!
[whop]
[creak]
CROWD: A racist! A racist!
RACIST: It’s a fair cop.
Bravely bold SirBama, came forth from doing naught. He was not afraid to blame, oh brave SirBama…
I do not feel that this posting or related comment strike the appropriate tone regarding the very serious issues of racism and Wicca beliefs. You are all a bunch of racists.